Apr 26 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: AOL Instant Messenger vs Relevancy

The Mediocre Fight

Yes, we’re still alive and posting, just took a much needed break over the weekend.  Turns out it is possible to get burnt out making pithy comments about doodles.

I’m starting today’s post with a question: Does anyone still actually use AIM as their main form of communication?  Out of the 200 contacts I have in AIM, there are literally 3 (three) people online right now.  And they ALL also have Google Talk accounts (what’s the official name of that by the way?  Google Chat?  Google Talk? Gchat?).  Plus everybody has cell phones these days, which you can either use to text or BBM or use an instant message app.  Or tweet.  It’s weird to think that kids growing up today will never know what it’s like to get a new AOL cd in the mail every other fucking day.  Actually, how is AOL even around still?  It just looks like a knock-off Yahoo! now.  Yeah, I added the exclamation point for Yahoo! too.

….

Wow.  I just visited yahoo.com to see if they actually use that exclamation point still.  The first thing I noticed is they have a section called “omg!” now.  This tells me two things: they are run by completely out of touch middle aged men, and their target market is stereotypical teenage girls from 2003.  Facepalm.  I’m going to go update my AIM status message with the lyrics of some song that are applicable to this situation.  Kthxbye.

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or manage to somehow maintain profitability despite being completely worthless and awful.

 


Apr 22 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Turtles vs Ooze

The Mediocre Fight

YO! It’s the green machine
Gonna rock the town without bein’ seen
Have you ever seen a turtle Get Down?
Slammin’ and Jammin’ to the new swing sound
Yeah, everybody let’s move
Vanilla is here with the new Jack Groove
Gonna rock, and roll the place
With the power of the ninja turtle bass
Iceman, ya know I’m not playin’
Devistate the show while the turtles are sayin

Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja,
RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
GO GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO;
Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja. GO;
Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO

Lyrics, fill in the gap
Drop that bass and get the NINJA RAP
Just feel it, if you know what I mean
Give it up for the heroes in green
Just flowin, smooth with the power
Kickin’ it up, hour after hour
Cause in this life there’s only one winner
You better aim straight so you can
hit the sinner
In it to win it, with a team of four
Ninja Turtles that you gotta adore it’s
the:

Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja,
RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
GO GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO;
Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja. GO;
Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO

Villians, you better run and hide
Because one day you might not slide
So choose your weapon don’t slip
Vanilla’s in control with the flex of a mic grip
Rockin’ the crowd the way it should be rocked
With the Miami drop that you like alot
You know it’s hittin like a Ninja Turtle,
when the bass kicks in
You better check your level
The power of the Ninja is strong
Fightin’ off crooks until they’re all cold gone

Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja,
RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
GO GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO;
Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja. GO;
Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO

Ice Ice Ice

Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja,
RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
GO GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO;
Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO;
Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO

Out with the gladiator, baby

 

 

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or gain incredible ninja powers after being exposed to radioactive goo.



Apr 21 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Hippies vs Soap

The Mediocre Fight

Since the beginning, Hippies have been fighting oppression, “The Man,” conformity, sobriety and of course hygiene.  Ironically, the term “hippie” comes from the word Hip – meaning “one who is aware.”  With the amount of marijuana, mushrooms and LSD hippies have historically been known to ingest, I’d be surprised if they’re aware of their name most of the time.

As you can imagine, when you’re tripping your face off, chilling to some sweet tunes, and making sure The Man doesn’t harsh your buzz, cleanliness might not be a priority.  Which is why the typical hippie smells like a homeless person wearing a suit made of American Cheese and hair who just finished a marathon, then set himself on fire.  And patchouli.  If someone could just figure out a way to deliver THC to the bloodstream through soap our hippie population would be cleaner than just about everyone else.

 

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or refuse to wash yourself because that’s exactly what The Man expects you to do.

 


Apr 20 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Insane Clown Posse vs Magnets

The Mediocre Fight

I don’t know what it is, but something about the Insane Clown Posse just makes me want to punch them in the throat, praying to inflict permanent damage to their larynges (your word of the day – plural for larynx) so they can’t “rap” anymore.  I’m not sure if it’s the stupid childish lyrics, the stupid childish makeup, or the fact that these guys seem to be really, really fucking stupid.  Here’s one of their most famous lines, not because it’s good music but because it really reveals just HOW fucking stupid this guys are.

“Fucking magnets, how do they work?
And I don’t wanna talk to a scientist
Y’all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed”

Fucking magnets, how do they work indeed.  Oh, but if you’re somebody who has studied magnetics they don’t want to talk to you – because you know, y’all lying, and getting him pissed.  I’m going to just wager they didn’t ever attend college.  And as everybody knows, magnets are mined from metal, which come from the ground.  They’re magnetic because the metal still contains pieces of gravity in it.  Duh.

Also, here’s one of the most ridiculous infomercials for a music festival I’ve ever seen in my life.  And yes, this is real.  Saturday Night Live did a spoof of this, and really there wasn’t much difference from the actual video.

 

 

Now I don’t want to pass judgement on an entire group of people, but I would wager that there are more wife-beater t-shirts and cut-off jeans than there are college degrees in that audience.

 

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or ask very simple 5th grade science questions, but refuse to listen to any explanations because you would get upset learn new things.

 


Apr 19 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Nicolas Cage vs Sanity

The Mediocre Fight

In case you aren’t up on your Nic Cage news, he was arrested this weekend for drunk and disorderly conduct.  He was in the street in New Orleans arguing with his wife about whether the house they were in front of was theirs, and then started punching cars… seriously.  Even better, do you want to know who bailed him out?  Dog the Bounty Hunter.  Yes, Dog the Bounty Hunter bailed Nicolas Cage out of jail.

This also makes me wonder about his movie career – is he actually acting, or is he just playing himself in every single role?  To aid you in pondering this question, please watch this YouTube video titled, “Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit.”  You will not be disappointed.

 

 

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or “act” batshit insane in all of your movies.

 


Apr 18 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: My Day Off vs A Mediocre Fight

The Mediocre Fight

I’ve got the day off today, and therefore little to no motivation to make a real mediocre fight.  Deal with it.

 

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight.  That way I can have something interesting to post every day.


Apr 17 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Velour Tracksuits vs Anyone Other Than Rappers and Mobsters

The Mediocre Fight

In the interest of full disclosure – yes, at one point The Mediocre Fight was considering getting velour tracksuits because really, there’s nothing more mediocre than a bunch of white guys in velour tracksuits.  As far as I can tell, the only people that can really pull them off are rappers or guys that are in the mafia.  Or just really stereotypical Italian guys that hang out on the street in lawn chairs, a la It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Or women, apparently chicks can wear all the velour they want and it’s stylish and sexy.  Go figure.  Eventually we realized that A) sweatsuits are going to be really hot on stage, and B) we would then own velour tracksuits, so we abandoned the idea.

The best part of this though is when we were looking on Amazon for these (y’know, since we’re a bunch of white guys in an indie rock band so we don’t know where else to look), we really only found one place that sells them.  And it’s the same guy modeling every color.  And it looks like he’s just hanging out in a parking lot.  Here are some samples:

 

 

 

This one, though, is by far my favorite.  Not only for the picture, but for the name of the sweatsuit itself.  Yes, on Amazon the actual name of this one is “Classic Doodoo Brown.”

 

 

I’m almost tempted to buy that just for the name.

 

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or model your own line of ridiculously classy menswear.

 


Apr 16 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Walmart vs Women

The Mediocre Fight

So I sat here for about 20 minutes trying to decide if I could get away with calling this post “Walmart vs Bitches” or “Walmart vs Hoes,” but I feel like most people wouldn’t appreciate the humor.  So instead I used The Girls Next Door to represent “Women.”

All kidding aside, here’s the background on this post.  Recently the Supreme Court heard a discrimination suit brought against Walmart, which could potentially turn into the largest class action suit in history.  I haven’t been able to get much information on the suit besides “the women are paid less.”  Which unfortunately isn’t an issue exclusive to Walmart.  In 2010 women were still only earning 77 cents for every dollar that a man makes.  That’s across the entire united States.  The better lawsuit would probably be “Women vs Society,” as it almost seems unfair/disingenuous to single out one corporation.  Maybe this will serve to start some actual change on the topic though, or at least getting a dialog going on the issue.

I also thought about making a joke about paying women 23 cents an hour to make me sandwiches, but thought that would be horribly offensive.  So since I never said that I’ll just end this with “I hope things change.”

 

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or start a class action lawsuitsuit that affects everybody.

 


Apr 15 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Hot Dogs vs Wiener Dogs

The Mediocre Fight

One more Mediocre Fight from a (former) friend of the band, our creamy-white-substance hating Julie Mitchiner. Both Hot Dogs and Wiener Dogs can provide endless enjoyment – one because it’s delicious when slathered with mustard and ketchup, the other because you can eat them at the ballpark. Just kidding! Of course we don’t use ketchup.

If there is a god, you can be pretty sure he has a great sense of humor. I mean, have you ever seen a wiener dog try to run? If you get a chance, do yourself a favor and go to a wiener dog race. It’s one of the greatest things you’ll ever see. Wait… I just looked at the picture for today. Is it just me or is there something a little… disturbing… about the hot dog? I actually saw this same statue at some winery in Battle Creek, Michigan. It’s just as disturbing in person, I can promise.  Here’s a bit of what you can expect to see:

 

 

Also, I want to take a second to thank everyone who has contributed to our Kickstarter project so far, we have almost 50% of our goal pledged!!! And a big shout-out goes to Matt Pavlak, who is our first $300 backer who will be getting a cover of the song of his choice recorded for YouTube. We look forward to making a mediocre video for you! You can still find out more and contribute at our Kickstarter page


 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or look ridiculous and adorable when you run.

 


Apr 14 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Watching the Cubs vs Sobriety

The Mediocre Fight
Another suggestion coming from a friend of the band, this one from Jason Velkavrh.  And that’s actually how his last name is spelled – he was born during a vowel shortage.
 
So most of the band lives in Wrigleyville, so we’re pretty well acquainted with the shenanigans at all of the Cubs games.  If you’re not familiar with Wrigleyville, it’s basically a collection of bars with a baseball stadium in the middle of them.  I’m pretty sure if we went to a new bar every week it would take us about a year to get through them all.  Actually, that sounds like a pretty good idea…  We should do some “research” on this topic.
 
Anyways, as you can expect with a baseball team that hasn’t won the World Series in over 100 years and  bars in great supply quiet a few of the attendees are less than sober.  And those are the ones that even make it out of the bars.  Here’s a bit of a preview of what you can expect:

 

 

Days at Wrigley are always a great time – even when they’re not winning, you’re usually sauced enough where it doesn’t seem to really matter that much.  So keep your eyes out and you might catch The Mediocre Fight on a little field trip.

 

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or hang out with us in a Wrigleyville bar.