Mar 18 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Alcohol vs Memory

The Mediocre Fight

Since quite a few of you fine folks out there are waking up with an intense hangover after St. Patrick’s Day, wondering “Why do I have a wizard’s staff in my room?”, today’s mediocre fight is Alcohol vs Memory.  And as a little bit of cosmic synchronicity, the FedEx guy just dropped off a new case of wine for me.  Woot!

Now it turns out that alcohol doesn’t really make you LOSE memories, but it keeps them from actually being recorded.  It’s kind of like your brain is a little bookworm holed up in your skull with a legal notepad, diligently recording everything he sees.  Then Alcohol comes along and he’s like “Frank you pussy, let’s paaartyyy!!!!” (Yes, my brain is named Frank for the purpose of this story).  Frank’s all like “But Al, I gotta keep track of all of this stuff!!!  It could be important!” So Al says “That sucks man, because Darla really wanted you to come party.”  ”Really? Darla said that?”  ”Yeah, but if you gotta write stuff down…”  ”Well, maybe just one shot…”  Shortly thereafter his little legal pad is completely forgotten.  Until he simultaneously pees and vomits on it later that night, this ruining all hope of recording any memories for the night.  Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s how scientists would describe alcohol-related memory loss.

Also, since I fact-check all of these posts, while researching this I ran across an absolutely astounding study that indicates that college students can be at risk for blacking out.  I wonder how much funding they got for that, and if it was just an excuse to get sorority girls drunk.  And I’ve also come to the realization that the best research studies are the ones that end a sentence with “despite being extremely intoxicated by the end of the study.”

 


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