Apr 8 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Glenn Beck vs Employment

The Mediocre Fight

Well the day that I never thought would come has finally arrived: Glenn Beck has become too crazy for even Fox News to handle.  I know, right?  In a surprising move it’s been announced that Apocalypse-predicting crazy man Glenn beck will be leaving the “Fair and Balanced” network.  The reason it surprises me is because he usually has such level-headed commentary, such as the following:

“I’m thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I’m wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. … No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong?”  (hint: yes)

“When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I’m just like, ‘Oh shut up’ I’m so sick of them because they’re always complaining.”  (bastion of compassion)

“This president I think has exposed himself over and over again as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture….I’m not saying he doesn’t like white people, I’m saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist.”

So clearly, nothing he’s ever said could cause anyone to question his sanity, so I guess it’s a mystery as to why he was let go.  Also, when he was announcing he was leaving he compared himself to Paul Revere, getting off his horse to fight a revolution.  So, look forward to seeing the “Viva Revolución!” program coming soon on the Insanity Network, a public-access channel filmed and broadcast in Glenn Beck’s living room.

 

In unrelated news, the prices of the following items have plummeted due to a sudden unexpected decrease in demand: chalkboards, tissues, tinfoil hats, crucifixes and bottled crazy.

 

And as a reminder, we still need your help to make an album!  Thanks to everyone who has supported us so far, and for those who are about to!  You can learn more at The Mediocre Fight’s Kickstarter page

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or spout lots of extreme, racist, insane conspiracy theories.

 


Mar 17 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Face Tattoos vs Careers

The Mediocre Fight

I would never tell this to Mike Tyson’s tattoo’ed face because he could crush me with his thumb, but you have to be a unique mixture of crazy and stupid to have a facial tattoo.  And in the corporate world, crazy and stupid don…. No scratch that, I feel like most of the people I’ve worked with in the corporate world have at LEAST been stupid, if not crazy as well.  I supposed the key is not to TATTOO THE FACT ON YOUR FACE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE HOW CRAZY AND STUPID YOU ARE.  It’s kind of like if you bought one of those white-trash “I’m With Stupid” shirts, that had an arrow pointing up, and you never took it off.  And then eventually it became part of your skin.  Okay maybe it’s not like that either, but it is pretty ridiculous.

Now I’ve always wanted to get tattoos (don’t worry Mom, I don’t have any… yet) but have never been able to decide what I want.  And why is that?  Because tattoos shouldn’t just purely be decoration.  I want mine to be meaningful enough for me to want to have it around for the next 200 years (yes, I’m going to live for a very long time.  Deal with it.)  You know what’s not meaningful?  Tribal tattoos, Asian lettering you can’t read, and fucking barbed wire.  If you have any of these tattoos, I will fight you.  Verbally.  Anonymously on the internet.  Actually I’m kind of a pacifist, I’ll probably just shake my head sadly, wondering at the future of the human race.

 

 

As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy, a kid’ll eat ivy too, wouldn’t you?