Dec 8 2011

Mediocre Fight of the Day: Julian vs Nerdiness


Well now that we’re done with album stuff for the most part, I’d say it’s time to bring back the Mediocre Fights of the Day!  And today’s fight is another one that’s about someone you probably don’t know.  Don’t like it?  Start your own blog!  I hear “The Mediocre Flight” is available as a blog name, and we’ve already given you some free promotion!

Here’s the subject of today’s Mediocre Fight.

This is Julian.  Julian’s what’s known as in the entertainment biz as “A good looking dude.”

Julian aka Tall Mocha

I can’t name a single female friend of mine who doesn’t want a slice of that action.  Wait, I’ve got a better one… I can’t name a single female friend of mine who does’t want a hot cup of Mocha.  Mmm, mocha.  Brb, now I want coffee.


Okay I’m back, and let me just say this cup of Peppermint Mocha from the cafe next door is quite delicious!  Okay where was I…. Oh yeah!  So Julian’s a good looking dude.   He’s a funny, charming guy who plays basketball and can actually dance.

Julian's weird, mutant 8 pack

Help us raise money for Hyperabdominalism

Also, he’s got some kind of rare disease where he’s born with extra abdominal muscles.  At least, I can only assume it’s a rare disease because he’s got roughly an 8-10 pack.  Anyways before this gets weird let me continue with my story.

I met Julian in college, which is where I discovered that this guy is one huge nerd.  We used to live in an apartment with 3 other guys, and our rooms had an adjoining bathroom between them.  We used to have weekend-long gaming sessions where we would lock the door to the hallway so we couldn’t be disturbed, and then switch off which room we were playing videogames in.  I think the weekend I saw Julian the happiest was when he moved his TV and gaming system so he could game from his bed.  So yeah, you definitely wouldn’t know it when you first met him but dude’s a nerd.

That’s not why I’m making this Mediocre Fight, though.  Lots of surprising people can turn out to be nerds.  Hell, Mila Kunis plays World of Warcraft.  Don’t believe me?  Yeaaaah, I’d marry her in a heartbeat.

No, the reason I’m making the fight today is because Julian was able to actually shock me with his level of nerdiness.  A few months ago he called me up and said “Hey man, do you want to come with me to go get my Magic cards appraised?”  Yeah, Magic: The Gathering.  Apparently he had been doing research online and had like thousands of dollars worth of cards.  Which surprised the hell out of me, because I actually collected Magic cards too when I was a kid and definitely didn’t have any super rare cards.  In fact, last time I was back home visiting my parents I dug up my card collection.  Which fits nicely in one small little binder, pictured here.

Yeah, that's a Vesuvan Doppleganger. NBD.


So I tell him sure, and later that day go meet him so we can head out to a comic shop in the suburbs.  Now, this is about the time I start to realize that his level of nerdiness eclipses mine.  When I get to his apartment, he’s got a color coded sheet of paper in his hand.  Apparently he made an excel spreadsheet with the price of every one of his cards, broken out by the condition of the card.  Giggling, I snapped some photos for proof.

A nerd, armed with a spreadsheet

And that’s when he asked me “Which box do you want to grab?”  Remember that little binderI showed you, which contains all of my cards?  Julian has entire BOXES full of cards.  Again, while giggling, I had to document this.

My God...

After I was able to compose myself, we were off to Niles, IL.  At this point the number of photographs I took tapers off dramatically, because for the rest of the day I was basically stunned.  It takes us a while to find the comic shop because it basically looks like an empty storefront.  Julian starts to become concerned that he’s being lured into a trap and we’ll be jumped as soon as we walk into this sketchy “comic shop,” but we figure they’re probably also nerds and we’d be able to take them.

We walk into the tiny shop in the corner of the strip mall, and immediately stop.  Expecting a tiny shop, we’re faced with a giant warehouse filled with row upon row of tables filled with other nerds playing Magic: The Gathering.   We look at each other, and you can tell that while we both feel unclean, somehow this also feels *right*.  That feeling quickly subsides as our situation starts to sink in.  We’re in the suburbs, in a warehouse/comic shop, where they’re holding a tournament for people playing Magic: The Gathering, while holding boxes full of cards.  For the next 10 minutes while we wait for someone to take a look at Julian’s cards we both just keep repeating in various ways “This is the nerdiest thing I have ever done in my life.”

Shortly the store manager comes and sits down with us.  The guy looks EXACTLY like the Comic Book Store guy from The Simpsons, but he’s sitting right next to me so I couldn’t take pictures of him.  Instead, I took a picture of Julian waiting patiently to talk shop.

Until this point I was able to handle the extreme nerdiness of the day because there was a sense of “Alright, we’re in this together.”  That feeling quickly turned into “I don’t belong here” as soon as Julian and the manager started talking.  Most of their conversation went over my head because everything they were saying sounded like gibberish.  ”Oh yeah, I’m just missing the Crankshaft of Embiggening from my Super Obscure set.  Oh, the Everlasting Virginity?  Yeah man, that was the last card I needed for my set.  Oh weird, what’s this set of Star Wars cards doing in here.”  It was the most surreal thing I have ever witnessed, and I don’t think I can ever look at Julian the same way.

Julian still hasn’t actually sold the cards yet, so now we’re planning a road trip to Seattle to visit a bigger comic shop.  Apparently there’s a bar in the basement, so while Julian nerds out I can drink away the awkwardness.



As always, if YOU have a mediocre fight you’d like to see contact us any way your little heart desires.  Leave a comment here, tweet us @MediocreFight, find us on Facebook, shoot us an e-mail at The Mediocre Fight, or have a friend who is too nerdy for words.   Although I guess this isn’t too nerdy for words if I just wrote 1000 words on the subject….