Because the King of Nebraska had heard prophesied that a Rock Star would be born would rise up to overthrow him, he decreed that all young guitar players should be cast into the Mississippi River. Adam’s parents, fearing the fate of their child, hid him in a drum case down by the river. He was found by a pack of wild coyotes and raised as one of their own. Upon reaching his 13th birthday, he received a sign from God in the form of a flaming guitar. The coyotes taught him everything they knew about music (as everyone knows, coyotes are excellent songwriters), and thus he returned to Nebraska where he challenged the King of Nebraska to a shred-off. Though the King’s heart was hardened, Adam defeated the king after seven battles. After forty months of wandering the plains, he eventually led his people out of the wilderness of Nebraska to the promised land: Ohio. He then moved to Chicago where he started a band named–for some inexplicable reason–Moses Cleveland. After an altercation over a golden statue of Ronnie James Dio, the band broke up, and after trying hard, but not too hard, he started a new band, The Mediocre Fight.